Building a Path That Fits You, Not Them
When I was a hall director, I looked around at colleagues getting promoted to directors, VPs, even deans, while I was still in an entry-level role. On the surface, they seemed to have it all figured out, while I was questioning whether I was behind or even in the right field.
Over time, I realized those comparisons weren’t serving me. I was doing meaningful work, but I couldn't see my growth clearly because I measured myself against others. Things changed when I leaned into teaching and speaking. I discovered that my gift was using my voice, in classrooms and on stages, and that clarity gave me a new sense of purpose.
When I feel that old urge to compare creeping back in, I remind myself that I’ve found joy and impact by showing up as myself, not by trying to copy someone else. And people respond to me because of that authenticity.
Why Copying Others Stifles Growth
Trying to replicate someone else’s journey may feel safe, but it actually limits you. Here’s why:
You lose your unique voice. Instead of leaning into your perspective and strengths, you water down your impact by repeating someone else’s style. For example, maybe you lead meetings best with humor and storytelling, but you try to imitate a colleague’s rigid, data-heavy style. The result? You’re less engaging, less natural, and more drained.
You chase goals that don’t fit your values. Just because someone else is chasing a VP title doesn’t mean that’s what you truly want. If your values point toward mentoring students, aiming for a title to “keep up” pulls you away from fulfillment.
You measure yourself by the wrong yardstick. Copying puts your worth in someone else’s timeline. Instead of celebrating progress in your own lane, you feel “behind” because you’re not in theirs.
You delay your own growth. Every hour you spend mimicking someone else is an hour you could spend sharpening your strengths, like your voice, creativity, or ability to connect with people.
Bottom line: someone else’s success story can inspire you, but can’t replace your own.
3 Ways to Lead Yourself with Clarity
1. Write Your One-Sentence Mission
Ask yourself: What difference do I want to make this year? Keep it short, specific, and personal.
Example: “My mission this year is to help first-year students feel confident in their leadership abilities.”
2. Align Your Weekly Actions
Look at your calendar or to-do list. Circle the tasks that connect directly to your mission. If you don’t see enough alignment, it’s time to shift your focus.
Example: If your mission is helping first-year students build confidence, list concrete tasks like hosting a weekly drop-in session, sending one encouraging email per week, or planning one leadership activity that builds trust.
3. Subtract What Doesn’t Fit
Clarity isn’t just about doing more; it’s about doing less. Make a “do-less” list of three things that don’t serve your mission.
Example: If your mission is teaching with impact, your do-less list could be: stop saying yes to committees that don’t connect to teaching, stop scrolling social media when you feel stuck, and stop comparing your presentation style to colleagues.
In conclusion, comparison tells you to dim your light to fit someone else’s mold. Clarity reminds you to shine in your own way.
When you lead with clarity, you stop chasing and start building. The path that fits you may not look like anyone else’s, which makes it powerful.
Looking for More Resources?
You don’t have to figure this out alone. If you’re ready to stop comparing and start leading with clarity, here are two ways I can help:
🎯 Free Quiz: Why You’re Feeling Stuck in Your Career (Even When You’re Working Hard) : discover your career clarity stage and the next steps to move forward.
🚀 Coaching Program: Career Clarity Coaching with Dr. Dar - if you’re ready for personalized support, let’s build a strategy that matches your gifts, values, and goals.
